The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
