I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
