I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
