I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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