i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
