You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
