their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
