So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
