"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
