he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize