Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
