im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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