it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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