Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
