is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
