I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
