I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
