You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
