True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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