A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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