So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
