GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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