Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
