What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
