he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I want a musical about memes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
