Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
