i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
