My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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