I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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