I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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