So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
