I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
