Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
