And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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