I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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