Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
