just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
