We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize