no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
