When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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