sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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