I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
