If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
