I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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