i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
