I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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