Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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