Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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