i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
