He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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