i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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