If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He did a backflip because drugs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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