He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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