So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
