I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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