its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So here I am, sexting at work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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