my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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