As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
