to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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