I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
