my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
