I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize