I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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