mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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