I accidentally had phone sex last night
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
