I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
wow bdsm is so cute
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
