Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
