totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
