nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
