i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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