I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
