the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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