i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
