Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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