is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
