There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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