All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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