Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize