Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
