blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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