youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
True strength comes from lack of pants
PANTIES FOUND
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
