We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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